Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Querier's Hypochondria

So. Here are a couple of exciting truths that actually make life (read: my head) more complicated.

1. THE TRAVELERS is querying (fly, little bird, fly!)
2. Twitter (and the internet) exists. And agents are on it.

You know how you knew that guy in pre-med in college, and then he was always poring over all his medical textbooks, and then every time he had a cough or an itchy elbow he was sure he was dying of cancer?

It's actually kind of like that with writers, except substitute "medical textbooks" with "agent blogs," and "cancer" with "complete and total failure as a novelist ever in the universe."

Examples? Obviously. ***

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*Combs through query to see if any part of it might be construed as "aggressive."*
(Okay. I think we're good.)

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(Uh oh. I'm kinda screwed. Yeah, in both my books.)

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Oh my stars, I'm seriously screwed, aren't I?

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O_o Is there any "hip dialogue" in my manuscript? Worse, is there any dialogue that I think is "hip" but is, in fact, not? (Don't answer that, Gina.)

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Okay, but I have a really, really good explanation for that. Like, really.

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OMG OMG OMG. Have I ever tweeted any agent? With anything about my book? Is that considered a "pitch?" It must be. OMG OMG OMG

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My manuscript? Has lots of eyes. And I'm pretty sure a big bunch of 'em sparkle, and maybe they dance once or twice too. GAAAAAAAAH.

And then I collapse into a weeping heap on the floor, ready to start a bonfire with my manuscript. Yeah, another one. I have lots of copies. (Actually, I don't have any copies, but it works for the drama of it all. See?)

***I actually have not submitted to a single one of these agents/editors, so I know 100% for certain that what they are saying is in no way directly related to THE TRAVELERS. Which makes this all that much more neurotic.

Do you have querier's hypochondria? What form does yours take? Or am I alone, so all alone in this sad, sad condition?


  1. I'm convinced they all hate me, but not because of their tweets. Because of all the damn rejections!

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  3. (sorry, I discovered a typo on my original post.)

    LOL Leigh Ann, don't worry. I follow agents and stalk-read their posts just as obsessively as you do (and cross reference them with my manuscript). In fact, I've already seen all the tweets/posts that you posted. I think it's a common thing, especially when you're querying. (Or we could both know, insane. Or have no lives. But let's not go that route.)

    Good luck with your querying! I myself am waiting to get a response for my write-on-con partial before I start intensively querying. But I do have a list waiting (impatiently) in my favorites tab. Heheheheh

  4. I think most of the things I worry about while I'm querying are typos, and "did I remember to put this in there?" and "did I take that one part out?" and "OH MY GOD THAT COMMA SHOULD NOT BE THERE GO AWAY COMMA."

    And then, of course, you know of my formatting problems. I'm constantly freaking out about my italics and paragraph spacing and all that stuff...

  5. Lol, nice post...made me chuckle. Quirky, fun blog:)