Make Them Obsessed and Tear Their Hearts Out

So, I got to read the sequel to THE NOCTURNIAN, the YA Sci-Fi novel Francesca's querying right now, over the past couple of weeks. 

(I know. You're seething with jealousy. And you should be. Here's why:)

I finished the book and I felt like I needed a moment to be alone, just so I could deal with it being over.

Chessie's asked me what I thought about it, and I feel bad that I can't really put it into words any better than that. But it's true. There was a sense of completion, victory and hope, underlaid with a very acute feeling of loss. Something irreparable. Something life-changing.  It felt like there was sort of an emptiness, where the book had taken a little piece of my heart that I couldn't really ever get back.

What I could say about the book was this: The last book  that made me feel that way at the end was POSSESSION by Elana Johnson. The one before that? CATCHING FIRE, the second book in THE HUNGER GAMES trilogy.

Yeah.

Now, there have been plenty of books I've really really enjoyed that did NOT make me feel like that. Those books fall into the (much more easily definable) category of "Obsessed." That means, to me, that even when I'm not reading, I'm thinking about the story. Songs  I hear on the radio make me think of that-one-chapter-when. I see someone at a coffee shop, and think, "Oh! That looks just like Alexis." I can't hear something about Paris on the news without thinking of the fictional hi jinx that occurred there in that one book I loved so much.

So all my CPs' books fall into that category, (duh)  right along with HARRY POTTER and TWILIGHT.

All these books are ones I am passionate about, for one of two reasons:

1. I'm obsessed with the world and/or the characters and/OR
2. I feel like my heart got torn out and trampled on by the end.

Of course, I want to write a story that others are passionate about. After all, a book's not going to sell too well if people pick it up, read some pages, say, "eh," and put it down again.

This is only my second project, and so I'm still not quite sure how to go about inspiring obsession.  But I think I have some idea of how to tear hearts out.

This brings me to a post my CP and writing-life coach Jean made recently about war in fiction. In the blog, she discusses her WiP,  and how even though it's about kid assassins (I know! Awesome, right?) it's really about war.

Then I commented that  reading about war is so gut-wrenching, because at the end, no one wins. And that's the worst part of the whole thing.

And then I thought, well, that's really how real life is, isn't it? There are no one hundred percent happy endings. For stories to feel real, and identifiable, and to tear the readers' hearts out and put them back in again not-quite-whole...there has to be a sense that no one really won here. Even if there was a literal win, like of a battle (oh hey HARRY POTTER) there's still going to be a lot lost.

The same sense we feel in our own lives.
The same things that build us up and tear us down.
The same things we know to be true.
The same things that make us human will make our characters and our stories human too.

Quite frankly, this is something I think is a little flawed about my first project. Sure, there's a bit of loss, and it's something that punches me in the gut every time. But I'm not sure it's something every reader would care about. In writing ONE, it was one of my hopes that, in achieving some of her goals, my MC also had to sacrifice a great deal. I think I'm getting a lot better at that with this second project.

So, what makes you crazy-in-love with a book? And what are you doing to make that happen in your own writing?

What's the rush?

My dear friend and writing-life coach, Jean, asked me an important question last week. I was in the midst of one of my work/life/family/writing balance breakdowns (which happen every 14 days like clockwork), struggling to figure out how I was going to do my day job, keep my house non-condemnable, get decent meals cooked, love on my kids, AND finish this draft.

After all, I had promised it to my first round CPs at the beginning of November. Then the beginning of December. And here I was, staring at December 9th on the calendar, and wondering how it had taken me five and a half weeks to finish a simple first-pass edit.

So I typed Jean a tear-filled email (I believe Gina was the one to get it about a month ago, you ladies are troopers) about the laundry and crumbs in the carpet and trash that needed to be taken out and bathtubs that needed to be bleached. And how it wasn't possible to do all the things that needed to be done AND hug my babies AND sleep AND get any writing done.

She wrote back a long email that showed that she heard what I was saying and that she sympathized, but what she really wanted to say was right there at the end:

"What's the rush?"


So that question stayed on my mind for several days, as the dear patient lady continued to correspond with me via novel-length email after novel-length email. After all, I know very well that I don't have an editor or even an agent to put me on deadline. (Believe me. I KNOW.) And I know that, as an unagented writer, it won't make a difference whether my project takes days, weeks, months, or even years longer to complete. So why should I rush?

RUSH

verb (used with object)

5. to perform, accomplish, or finish with speed, impetuosity, or violence.

Okay. Well, I obviously shouldn't do that. We all know that an impetuously sent query (or a violently sent one, yeesh) is the kiss of death for a writer. But even at this stage of the game, I don't want to waste my CPs' time by sending them a hastily, haphazardly thrown together manuscript.

So, I asked myself again, "Whats' the rush?" (Because Jean is wise, you know.) 

I started to realize that it wasn't necessarily a sense of rush I felt, but a sense of drive. The feeling that I wouldn't be able to think about anything else, rest easy, or even breathe unless I made a least one little step every day on this draft.

I could convince myself that I'd be okay without writing a little bit every day, but after four or five days of ignoring ONE, I started to get mighty cranky, and resentful, and just generally down in the dumps. (Also my main character would start to scream at me, and you don't want to be near her when she's angry.)


What I learned from this was: I know there's no rush to finish any project, any time. But for me? There's definitely a rush when it comes to writing:

RUSH

noun 

2. the immediate pleasurable feeling produced by a drug (as heroin or amphetamine)

Yep. My name is Leigh Ann Kopans, and I am a writing addict. 

What about you? Do you feel a sense of rush when it comes to your projects? Help me feel not-so-crazy down in the comments.

Editing Me HATES Drafting Me

So, ONE is only my second project, which means I'm still really learning about my whole writing process.

When I wrote THE TRAVELERS I edited as I went. I didn't have to do that with ONE - I was generally really happy with the stuff I put on the screen. I like to think that's because, after the experience of writing a first manuscript, I understand things like character arcs, pacing, and plot better.

 I really, really thought it was because I was slowly slowly moving away from being a 100% reckless fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pantser, and toward having more-or-less fleshed out story lines and plot in the first draft.

I thought. Then I merrily went through the first draft to clean up passive voice, word repetition, etc and.....


A lot of chapters were ready to be polished, loved on, gushed over, lovingly shined up. I'd say 3/4 of them. And then, in  others, I had written Future Me sweet notes like, "Add more intrigue here," "Fill in this newspaper story," or, worst, "Finish this scene."

Excuse me, Past Me? FINISH THIS SCENE?????

But the worst - the WORST - is that the last four chapters seem to be little collections of scene-fragments that I thought Future Me would be absolutely freaking delighted to sift and sort through, and, of course, FINISH WRITING.

So, while Past Me was all gushing about the first draft being finished, Future Me was just waiting in the wings to read through the "first draft," then walk up to Past Me and do this:

Past Me, who do you think I am? An heiress whose choices for filling my day are: "Finish Writing Scenes" or "Get a Pedicure?" A Woman of Leisure? Are you freaking kidding me, Past Me?

I hate you. 

(But I do really appreciate that one really pretty scene you wrote. And the angsty convo between the MC and her mom. And, you know, the whole idea for ONE in general. Oh! And that one kiss. So, I guess, thanks. I might not claw your eyes out after all.)

What about you? Have you ever hated a Past Writing You?  Commiserate with me in the comments. 

The Perks and Pitfalls of Sending a Second Project Out for Crit

I thought that the most terrifying emails to send would be queries.

I was wrong.

See, ONE is about ready to fly to my crit partners' inboxes for critique. (A couple weeks now. Juuust a couple weeks.)

And I am completely freaking out.

See, I've known these ladies for months and months now. I consider them dear friends. I trust their advice, both about writing and life in general (and fashion, duh) implicitly.  So why am I so stressed about asking them to leave their comments on a manuscript that I KNOW needs critique? That I'm absolutely DYING for feedback on?

It really makes no sense at all. I know that this manuscript is better than the first draft of THE TRAVELERS I sent to Gina this June (poor, poor Gina.) They've all read excerpts (and Excerpts) and been all, "Wheee, I can't wait to read this, hurry up and edit!"

Well - it's precisely BECAUSE I know/love them so well that I'm worried, I think. Deep down, here is what I'm afraid the reaction will be. The crit reaction is first, but the reaction I'm really scared of is in parentheses.

• This story is stupid/boring/makes no sense (you are stupid/boring/make no sense)
• This story is essentially the same as the last one you wrote. (Don't you have a single new idea ever?)
• You can cut this whole chapter. (Why have you wasted my time making me read this whole chapter?)
• Your dialogue punctuation is consistently incorrect. (I thought you told me you graduated from High School...?)
• Etc., etc., etc.

But. The rational part of my brain reminds me that the manuscript needs critique/revision. The only way I'm going to get it is from critique partners. And here's where the wonderfulness of sending a second project to the same group comes in. I already know that my CPs are  the best - I mean THE BEST I can hope for. Here's why:

• I trust them implicitly. When they tell me to change something, I change it, or at least take them seriously enough to figure out what was bugging them and how I can fix it, even if it's not the exact change they suggested. And that's BECAUSE
• They care about me and my book. When they make suggestions, exclamations, or giant red slashy lines, on my manuscript, it's all in the name of making my book better and helping me succeed - not cutting me down, or making themselves feel superior, or nitpicking just to nitpick.
• I can predict the things that will bug them, and remind myself in advance that they are not personal judgements against me. For example:

I know that Gina will have some issue with one of the following:
- the denseness of my MC
- the douchebaggery of her boyfriend
- some of the relationship cheesiness between them.
- lack of description and consistency, which I call "sloppy writing" (but Gina never would, doll that she is)

Maggie's never critiqued a project of mine beyond an alpha read, so I can't predict that much about her, but she's looked at the first page of TT a ton, and I already know she'll tear my grammar limb from limb. Probably paragraph structures too. And then help me put everything back together again.

Jean is ruthless with her dedication to flawless craft. Show don't tell.  End every scene on a question mark. It's chapter five and you are just now introducing a main character? Are you effing kidding me? And why is that character so flat? SHE KNOWS I AM A BETTER WRITER, QUIT WHINING AND SUCK IT UP.

And Chessie is going to MURDER me on what I'm audacious enough to call "science" in this (light!) science fiction manuscript. She'll also indicate at least a dozen times a chapter how much my rampant use of the passive voice makes her want to vomit/stab her own eyes out. You know, lovingly.

(I already know that Heidi, who's going to crit for me for the first time, is a master of paring down a story to its essential elements and an all-round genius.)

Now! Having these things in mind doesn't mean I won't take them seriously. On the contrary! I've assembled my own awesome Charlie's Angels of a crit group.  I know that each member has an eagle eye for different things. I can count on them to help me polish ONE to a high sheen.

Is it still TERRIFYING to think of sending them this draft? Absolutely. And I'll be in my office focusing on deep breathing for about half an hour after I do it.  Because, at the end of the day, I also know that

but at least I won't get (too terribly) offended when they tell me that.

Do you get nervous to send new stuff to your established crit group? Is it worth it, like it is for me? Tell me in the comments!

Writing Hotness

I read a lot of YA novels where the heroine is described as beautiful and body-perfect, and the hero is some combination of gorgeous and devastatingly handsome, with a big helping of rippling abs on the side.


Now, I like reading about beautiful people as much as the next person. (Hello, RORY. Mmm.) But I'm with Beth Revis here - it's not the physical descriptions that make characters hot. In fact, in my writing, I try to  describe the beauty and brawn only as much as necessary.Only I know exactly what my characters look like in my head. 


Why? Because what's attractive to me may not be attractive to someone else.  And, in most cases more importantly, the way a character acts speaks louder than how a character looks.


Remember your first love? Junior high crush, high school boyfriend, college sweetheart? Remember how AMAZING and PERFECT he was? Remember how it felt to hold his hand, to kiss him, to hear him say "I love you?" And, now that you think back on it, remember how maybe his skin wasn't perfect, or he had kind of a weird haircut, or he was a little too short for you to wear heels when you went out, or maybe his jaw and stomach weren't so chiseled? 


And, most of all, remember how he was the CUTEST GUY EVER?


(Yeah. Me too.)


I guess my point is this: Non-gorgeous, non-buff people fall in love every day. They enjoy making out and...other stuff...just as much as the hot people. And to them? The people they're in love with look absolutely, totally, wouldn't-change-a-thing perfect. 


Most importantly, I don't for a second want one of my sweet teen readers to think that because she's really tall, or has frizzy hair, or wears a size 18, or WHATEVER, that she's not every bit as desirable as the heroine in one of my books.


(And that, watching all the sweet Buckeye couples striding through campus hand-in-hand, way more of them look like this:

Than like this:

And that, no matter what they look like, their love story could be absolutely incredible.)


See, at the end of the day, jaws and muscles and tallness and jeans size are all pretty irrelevant - the only thing that I care about is that my readers know how the characters see one another. Are they attracted to each other? Does the hero think the heroine is beautiful? Does one character want to rip the other's clothes off?


If we agree on the answers to those questions? I've done my job. 


Now! For the fun part (for me at least...)
I want to introduce you to two characters in my WiP, ONE. 


Here's how I describe Leni, short for "Helen":
She is beautiful, the sort of beautiful that knows it can stop anyone in his tracks. She’s tall, with strawberry blond hair so brassy-bright it almost glows, and curvy. Her skin is kissed with gold, then dotted with a spray of freckles.

She looks like the freaking sun itself blew kisses at her. She is the kind of girl that guys like Elias want to be with, always are with. She is a prize. 

And here's Daniel:
Daniel, nearly as tall as Elias, sits at the concrete table with pebbled legs, and looks up from his textbook, jerking his chin up in greeting again. His hair is jet black, and his skin is the color of cinnamon mixed with coffee. His eyes are black, too, but they flash fiercely when they look at me.


Those are pretty much the only physical descriptions of them in the book.


Now, here's part of a scene I wrote between them that does not appear in the book. (Let's just call it character study, okay?)


Slowly, Daniel turns his head to me, and I laugh out loud, then  throw my arms around his neck. His arms circle my body in response, and joy and excitement flood me all at once. I pull back just enough to look at him, and he whispers, "You did it. You really did it."


"We did it," I say, and the joy of it all propels me forward, and I crush my lips against his. I pull back after a second, cheeks flushing crimson, and look down.


I can't believe I did that.


I freeze, wait for him to stop, to push away, to finally tell me after all these years that he doesn’t feel the same way. But he deepens the kiss, takes a deep breath in through his nose, pulls my body closer to his.


Daniel's hands tremble against my waist. My breath shudders out of my chest. The space between us, or what's left of it, is so charged that I can hardly believe this is real.  It must be a dream.  It must,  it must,  and if I don't wake up now,  my heart will fly out of my chest and drag me out of sleep.   


But then his lips move to each of my eyes, then my jaw, then my neck, and I know that my heart couldn't possibly go faster than it is now. Yet he's still kissing me, and my body still aches to be even closer to his. 

Now. Do you have a picture of these two in your head? Yes? Good. So do I. One of the below pictures matches up with my idea of each of them, but any could work given the descriptions.

So, take a look.What do Leni and Daniel look like TO YOU?

Girl Power (Crit Diaries)

I've always hated Belle.

Belle is a tricky character. You think she's all, "ra-ra-Feminism, yay!" She is independent! She walks to town by herself! She sings in a meadow and doesn't care who hears!

 For crying out loud, she loves books! BOOKS!

And she refuses this guy, so we all think she's doing pretty well for herself.

(Um, gross.)

But we all know the story. She lands at the Beast's castle, hates it, decides to ditch. In the middle of the winter. In the middle of the night. With no map.

(What? I never imagined there would be starving, vicious wolves in these dark winter woods! I'm scared, a need a big strong man to save me!)

Sadly, Belle is my go-to example of a girl who looked like a promisingly strong, smart female character, and then just....wasn't. She reads books, sure, but does she learn anything from them? Sadly the answer seems to be "no." It always frustrated me so much. (Luckily, my baby girl will have Princesses Mulan and Tiana to learn from....)

So, when I set out to write a strong female main character, what did I do?

Yeah, you guessed it. I wrote about a girl who cries a lot, is pretty dense, whines even more, and has a little bit of trouble making strong decisions without the help of her man. Did I mention she's dense?

Katniss would not be happy.


Today's task: Go through the MS and delete all references to my MC being a total dolt. And then add some opportunities for her to show up her boyfriend(s) and her enemies, and to kick some ass.

Anyone else have thoughts on what makes a strong girl character, and how to write one? It's not as easy as you might think, I'm learning....

Punching Your Readers in the Gut (Crit Diaries)

I had an incredible writing day yesterday. I didn't mean for it to happen, necessarily, but I got into a great conversation about choices in my story with the unflappable Gina.

She wanted a love triangle, and I told her there was one, but it wouldn't show up till the very end of the book. She told me that was stupid, and she was right. So I moved one character's confession of love up about a dozen chapters, which is two thirds of the way into the book. And the confessee told the confessor her choice. I thought it was awesome, you guys, and so wonderfully sad for the  guy who didn't get a "yes."

I sent it to Gina for approval, all proud. She sent it back. "Try again. Not good enough."

She told me that, while the conversation involved a lot of pain on each of their parts, it wasn't painful enough for the reader. Why? There was no impossible choice for the character to make. Her choice seemed too easy. When she finally made it, it wasn't painful. It didn't hurt Gina to read about it. And she wanted to be punched in the gut.

This entry in the crit diaries has a happy ending. I busted my head over the scene, and I finally got the "good job" and approval to do a writer's happy dance I was waiting for. And I learned an important lesson. It's not only the physical stakes that have to be high for the characters, but also the emotional ones, to be a great story.

(The Jury's still out on how great the story as a whole actually is, btw, because my two readers for this round haven't gotten to the end. Still nervous as all getout. Obviously, I'll keep you posted.)

What's that? You want to read a little bit? Okay, sure, since I don't have any stats for you.

She realized how badly part of her wanted that existence back, that place where she could stand here and choose him without the nagging feeling that she was choosing wrong.

So, when he moved close to her, put his arm around her waist, and pulled her toward him, even though everything told her she had to turn away, had to refuse him, she didn’t. He kissed her once, then pulled back slightly. She stood there, unable to bring herself to move. So he kissed her again, and her lips moved against his, testing, remembering. Her heart warmed, and soared toward him, toward a future that she had dreamed of for years and years. Their kiss was knowing, and wonderful, and safe, but it didn’t grow deeper. It lingered there, a memory of a hope that she couldn’t quite let go of.

She drew her palms up and put them against his chest, lightly, stopping this. He had to stop, had to leave her poor heart to thud out of her and fall to the floor in peace.

Anyone else have a critique or revision experience with forcing your characters to make difficult emotional choices?

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

You can read all over the writing blogosphere how painful the critique and revision process is.

I have to confess, I wasn't actually prepared for it. I expected to be gutted, depressed, and emotionally-eating up a storm. My reaction has been a little different than that.

Maybe it's my critique partner, the ever-fabulous Gina, for her loving and brilliant comments and observations. Every time she (lovingly) tears something down, I feel like someone tore my heart out. Or my stomach. But about five seconds later?

I get SO FREAKING EXCITED.

Here's why, I think:  I thought the story was good, and I thought the characters were awesome, and then along comes this comment that COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING YOU GUYS, and now the CHARACTERS ARE GOING TO BE SO MUCH MORE KICKASS.

*Ahem.*

So, I'll go on record. I love revisions. I love the rollercoaster ride that changes every single day (well, if you're lucky enough to have a fast crit partner like I do), I love despairing about my story and then changing one thing and then feeling like it is better than ever.

What. A. Rush.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go move a confession of unrequited love. And add some kissing. *sigh.*

(Because you know you want to listen to the song now.)

I'm Pretty Sure I'm the Next Stephenie Meyer

At least, that's what I've had to tell myself to keep myself going through this whole thing.

I'm exhausted. I really should go to sleep. But what if....?
My kids really want me to play superheroes with them for the thousandth time. But what if...?
I really should get up from the computer and  cook something decent for dinner tonight. But what if....?

This novel has allowed me to dream, and I am not a dreamer.  I never stood in front of my mirror with a hairbrush and gave the fake Oscar acceptance speech.

But with this project? The other day I even tapped out the "thank yous" that would only ever be seen if this book goes to print. (Yes, Gina, you would be there.) It felt really good, on a lot of levels.

So even if this first draft sits in the Cloud forever, or even if it sits on Amazon and sells three copies, I'm so, so glad I did it.

It's now on quasi-sub, and the very first feedback comments have been on the positive side. So we'll see what happens.

Official "The First Draft is Finished" Stats:

Words: 80,018
Pages: 377
Chapters: 36, plus epilogue
Time from first note to typing "The End": 7 months
Amount of Love for the characters and the story: endless

Thanks for reading. I'll keep you posted.

The Official First Draft

Today, I finished the Official First Draft.

It's not perfect. Not nearly. But all the plot lines, are, I think, coherent. The voice is mostly strong and consistent, at least as strong as I'm capable of at this point.

But, since my very first note on this whole thing almost 7 months ago, I'm starting to think that there might be the slimmest of slim chances that it might be published. Whether self or with a small publisher, I don't know, but I finally believe enough in the story and the characters and my ability to see something through this far to say that with some confidence.

It's on the Kindle and the Kindle Bot is reading it to me aloud. This begins the second-pass edit. I'm beside myself with excitement.

Some stats of a new type:

Title: The Travelers
Genre: Young Adult Sci-Fi/Paranormal-ish Romance
Word Count: ~80,000 words or ~325 pages
A little bit about it:  The only remarkable things about bored, directionless high school senior Annika Fitzsimmons are the painful dreams she has night after night and the boy with blue eyes she always sees in them. During winter break, a visit to her grandmother reveals that Nik's future lies in Traveler's City. What she doesn't know is that her arrival there will change everything.


Listening to: The Travelers Playlist. I'll organize and post an updated version here soon. :)
Obsessed with: My first draft read by the KindleBot. LOVE. IT.

I'm still looking for betas, and I'll be contacting those of you who expressed willingness/interest soon. If you're still around, thanks for reading. :)

Editing: Trimming the Fat

I've written several incarnations of the Big Dramatic Scene Where Everything Changes (one of them, at least). I had poured my heart into each of them, found it difficult to delete even a single sentence, and so all of them remained smooshed together in the Scrivener doc with random tags like: ***REWRITE THIS!!!**** or ***ANOTHER IDEA**** or *!!!THIS ONE'S A KEEPER!!!* So today I began the hard work of separating them, rewriting some twistier twists and fillers, and separating the fat from the meat (there is a lot of fat.)

Edited: One scene, about 600 words axed (whew!)
Listening to: "Happiness" by the Fray. Again. On a loop. Seriously, this song is INCREDIBLE.
Obsessed with: Finishing this edit. I seriously can't keep my hands away from the keyboard. And that's a good thing.

Editing: What's the Worst That Could Happen?

It's been awhile. I've totally stalled on this blog over the last month, namely because I've been trying to balance moving into a new house (!!!) with doing a first-pass edit on this WIP (!!!) and something had to go on the back burner.  Most nights, I'd type some words, stumble into bed, and pass out. No time to do a rehash of the day's writing work. Or, as I've learned to say, I didn't make it a priority.

The triumph? I continued to work on the project nearly every day. (In addition to feeding my children, keeping the house clean, hosting a few little parties, etc. of course.) It's a bonafide first draft now, with, I think it's safe to say, all of the plot points solidly in place, and all characters where they're supposed to be. That is, until the second edit.

Most of the work I've been doing over the past month or so since I've posted has involved making things very, very bad for my characters. I had a decent story before I read this incredible, inspirational blog post by Natalie Whipple, but it had such a big influence on me that I started asking myself at every turn of the story - "This is a bad situation for my characters, but could it be any worse?" If the answer was "yes," then I made that worse thing happen. I think the story is a lot more compelling now. So, thanks, Natalie. (I have a girl/writer/mom crush on you and I wish we were besties.)

So here's a rundown of where I stand, writing-wise. I have 36 chapters and the draft is hovering right around 76,000 words, or about 300 pages. My main worries are that I've written a Mary Sue that everyone will hate, that the story sags in the middle, and that some things about the writing make this a non-page-turner (one being that I use third person tense, which is not that popular for YA right now.) I'm working under a quasi-deadline to have a draft manuscript to someone in the next couple weeks or so.

Here's where I stand, future-wise. I feel like I've invested too much time and energy - almost seven months of writing every day - to just store this baby in my drawer. I have a contact who is high up in the food chain of a small, up-and-coming publisher, and he's requested a full manuscript just as soon as I'm ready to let it out into the world. The sooner the better, he says. I told him I'd have it to him two and a half weeks ago.

I'm pretty sure the writing sucks. I'm pretty sure some characters are flat. I'm pretty sure it's not an intriguing story. Which is all a way of saying: I'm pretty sure he's not going to want it. (I'm not one for self-promotion, can you tell?)

Then, I'm at a crossroads. I could just sock it in a drawer and fondly remember the seven months that Nik and Davis were my constant companions, and congratulate myself on writing a story/book/whatever when most people only dream of getting that many coherent words all together at once. I could shop it out to small publishers or even agents, which I understand takes even more time and energy and a lot of stress. Or I could self-publish it in e-format and feel like it's out in the world. If you have your own Amazon page with a book with your name on it, maybe that's some small kind of accomplishment, even if you're ranked 118,487 in Kindle rankings. Or maybe I put it up there on Amazon for free and let any good reviews make me feel happy and accomplished.

I'd love to hear what you'd do next.

Time for stats:
Edited: 10 chapters in the past week (!) Yeah, I love this part.
Listening to: "Happiness" by the Fray. A hauntingly beautiful song about the elusive and stunning nature of happiness.
Obsessed with: Cilantro.

(If anyone is still reading this, thanks. Love you to pieces.)

Obsessive

I'm in the dreaded rewriting phase of this whole business.  I know, I've been saying editing, but really it's more revising or rewriting or...whatever (DNA writers just put up this fab post explaining the difference.)

I have a very one-track mind.  When I do something, I REALLY do it.  David (lovingly) calls it "an obsessive personality," and unfortunately for our firstborn, he inherited it from me.  It's how I got through rabbinical school remembering so much (yeah, I'm a rabbi.  Have we been over this?), and it's how I got 80,000 words of a rough draft pounded out in five months in just a few hours a week.

Anyway, the significance for this particular moment in our lives is that I have been frantically unpacking the house since we moved in ten days ago.  Every day I tell myself I'm going to squeeze a little writing/editing into the middle of the day, while the children nap, and it just doesn't happen.  I get so obsessed with hanging skirts or organizing toys or hanging pictures that I'm completely exhausted by the time David gets home, and I collapse.

Of course, I would have given up everything for the writing if that's what I really wanted to be doing. But, between you and me, my draft has been acting a little funny.  It's not the book I fell in love with.  My clumsy writing is making an incredible story look kind of awkward and boring.  Some days I think my twist isn't twisty enough. Some days I want to cry because I am terrified I'm writing a Mary Sue and everyone knows that people can't handle more than one of those pretty much ever, and Bella Cullen already fantastically fills the role.  Some days I think that OMG there is NO tension in this POS.  Some days I am so in love with the Boy that I'm terrified my writing will never do him justice (or maybe I just don't want to share him with anyone.)

And so I've been avoiding the draft. I don't want to talk to it about its problems, I just want it to go to rehab on its own accord. Or find a new author who can make it into something better.  Since I know it will do neither, I'm buckling down again.  But maybe I should just download the latest version of Scrivener first....

The TWIST! We have a TWIST!

Friends, I'll say it.  I was a little worried for the end of my WIP and how all the conflict was going to be tied up, and sort of resolved, in an interesting, shocking way.

I think I've got it.  I couldn't feel more relieved.

And not a moment too soon.  Serious.  Because I have to buckle down on this sucker like mad now.

All I'll say is that I owe it all to JJ Abrams and his flash of brilliance at the turn of the century.

Words Written: Oh, I have no clue.  More tomorrow.
Listening to: "Belief" by Gavin DeGraw.  Totally an important theme in my WIP, by the way.
Obsessed with:  The scene in The Hunger Games when Katniss remembers the first time she met Peeta (pg 25, you know you want to read it again.)  Absolutely heartbreaking.